1-800-Contacts, I am not an idiot.

Despite what the caption of my blog may say, I am not a big fan of rants and have made a point to stay away from the temptation of blogging about every little thing that puts a damper on my day. It makes for an uninteresting, whiny post.

But today is an exception. And I'm justifying it more as a "read this, it will save you money" post than a "I am grumbling about 1-800-Contacts" post, to myself at least.

Here's why. 1-800-Contacts is based on the premise of one, pure motto: excellent service and a focus on you, the customer. This means a real live person answers the phone when you call them at their so-easy-to-remember number. This means it takes two clicks to re-order your contacts. This means there's free shipping, and guaranteed no-questions-asked policies on returns, and blahdy blah blah ponies unicorns etc.

This also means they will beat any competitors' price - by 2%, they guarantee! Music to the ears of people like me who want the absolute best deal but who also want that golden customer service, but by no means music I haven't heard elsewhere. In fact, of late, many retailers have taken to this concept of matching or beating the lowest price anywhere, especially with giants like Amazon and Walmart lurking around the corner. The thing is, in most of those cases, the market is already so saturated with competitors and pricing information is so open that the "best price" out there is usually a nominal percentage of the overall price - say, a toaster in Target that's $40.00 instead of on Amazon for $36.00. We're talking a 10% difference here. To me, a four dollar saving isn't worth the time it'd take for me to research and prove the price difference. Chances are I'd already have the toaster in my shopping cart and have moved on to buying a pack of gum.

But in the world of 1-800-Contacts it is a much different story. Because even after you beyond at the flashy rebates they offer (by the way, they are manufacturer's rebates, so they are not special or unique to 1-800-contacts), the price of your contacts is still ridiculously higher than what it can be found for otherwise. Take a look at my one-year supply. I'm paying $70/box before the rebate.

A quick Google Search for "1-Day Acuvue Moist 90 pack" yielded results like this:

I did some quick math. Ignoring the $22.40 one (a 30-day back) and the $69.75 one (not a better deal), all of the other prices were significantly lower than what 1-800 was selling for, even if they tacked on a 10-20% processing fee. So naturally I bring this up with my customer service rep. Now to her credit, she was as pleasant as possible and did all the calculations honestly and quickly. But the fact that she quoted me at $69.99 a box before rebates whereas these sites were selling in the neighborhood of $43.00 a box and then openly acknowledged these competitors' lower prices a.) probably made her feel stupid and b.) made me frustrated that 1-800-Contacts seems to be happily ignoring the obvious fact that any person competent enough to run a Google search could point this out. It's like they are a gas station trying to charge $10 for a gallon when a dozen others are right across the street selling at $4/gallon. Only when the customer points to the blatant price difference do they acknowledge it and say "Oh ok, I guess we can come down then to that price." 

If their business model is truly built upon relying on people to be that stupid or lazy not to do a price comparison, I don't call that focusing on the customer's best interests at all - I call it swindling lazy or ignorant people. Expedited this or that and eager customer service representatives suddenly feel greasy to me - all some bells and whistles that distract from their outrageous pricing. My question is: why place so much focus on the customer experience and expedited service when your pricing is so blatantly inflated? Why not be honest and upfront about what the competitive rates are? Do I look that stupid? My experience ordering from them was swell enough until I got to pricing, and even though I walked away with a total bill in the neighborhood of $400 before rebates instead of $600 for the exact same product and quantity, I still left with a sour taste, a feeling like I'd escaped trickery instead that of contentment and confidence in the company with which I'd just made a hefty transaction.

So. Rant over. Here's my advice when you're ordering from 1-800-Contacts: never do so at their face price. Do thirty minutes of research for what you need and you can find yourself saving hundreds of dollars. Then call them up so you can order through them (be prepared for an awkward moment when you point out how much more expensive their shit is than the one you found) and still take advantage of their great customer service. Maybe when enough customers are taking advantage of their price match program, they will finally admit to themselves that what they're doing doesn't make sense in the age of Google and online price comparisons. Until then, I guess I'll keep having those semi-awkward, elephant-in-the-room conversations and getting the price and service I want.