OK, I SERIOUSLY HAVE A PROBLEM.
Robot Unicorn Attack has become my life. My purpose. My DESTINY. It's the reason why I get out of bed each morning, it's the last thing I do before I go to sleep, and it's even started to invade my subconscious.
Case in point: I had a dream last night where I was walking around the quads, except there were giant silver stars everywhere, just perched around on the grass. There was even a really big one in the middle of the Cobb "C" bench...what the fuck. Also, yesterday I was "doing work" in Stuart Cafe when I decided to take a 30-minute break and play a few harmless games of RUA. I guess I got really into it because at one point I crashed into a scary star and screamed really loudly/weirdly in front of everyone. I had my headphones on too so all the Econ grad students just saw a crazy looking Asian girl yelp and leap out of her chair out of nowhere. I don't think I can go back there for a while.
Oh, and there's this. It's like when you see a bad car wreck coming but you can't take your eyes off it because it's just so horrifying and fascinating at once.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Monday, March 01, 2010
Procrastination 64
I can't do work, ever.
I seriously just come to the Reg and spend my time either sleeping or playing Robot Unicorn Attack. Last night I was in the library for about two hours doing absolutely nothing even though I had a seven-to-ten page paper due the next day at noon. Finally, after I crashed into one last star and got fed up with the productivity black hole that is RUA, I opened up a Word Document and reluctantly wrote out the header of my paper. Rose Fan. February 28, 2010. Little Red Schoolhouse Assignment #7. I was immensely proud of myself, so I decided to go and take a break by checking my e-mail. And what do I find? MOCK TRIAL CASE CHANGES. FML.
So of course I obsessively read over the case again. All I could do was think and worry about Malone (the witness I direct) for the rest of the night. His affidavit had undergone several changes that were really damaging to the defense, and it was my job to mollify or spin them to not look so terrible. The entire time, a little voice in the back of my head kept yelling at me, saying things like ROSE, you're GRADUATING in three months, you need to find a job, and you haven't showered in 36 hours, damnit. But I couldn't stop looking at the case, and I stayed awake for a long time thinking about it well after I'd gone to bed and turned off the lights.
I think I might need to quit Mock Trial. Or go outside more frequently. Or find friends.
I seriously just come to the Reg and spend my time either sleeping or playing Robot Unicorn Attack. Last night I was in the library for about two hours doing absolutely nothing even though I had a seven-to-ten page paper due the next day at noon. Finally, after I crashed into one last star and got fed up with the productivity black hole that is RUA, I opened up a Word Document and reluctantly wrote out the header of my paper. Rose Fan. February 28, 2010. Little Red Schoolhouse Assignment #7. I was immensely proud of myself, so I decided to go and take a break by checking my e-mail. And what do I find? MOCK TRIAL CASE CHANGES. FML.
So of course I obsessively read over the case again. All I could do was think and worry about Malone (the witness I direct) for the rest of the night. His affidavit had undergone several changes that were really damaging to the defense, and it was my job to mollify or spin them to not look so terrible. The entire time, a little voice in the back of my head kept yelling at me, saying things like ROSE, you're GRADUATING in three months, you need to find a job, and you haven't showered in 36 hours, damnit. But I couldn't stop looking at the case, and I stayed awake for a long time thinking about it well after I'd gone to bed and turned off the lights.
I think I might need to quit Mock Trial. Or go outside more frequently. Or find friends.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Mock Delusion
Mock Trial has consumed the last three months of my life. I've spent so much time pretending to be a defense attorney that I've noticed I've started to bring that persona into my everyday, non-Mock affairs. For example, every time I ask three or more consecutive questions in a conversation, I start feeling like I'm running a direct examination. Every time I hear something I don't agree with, I suppress the jerk reaction of yelling "Objection!". And weirdest of all, every time I now see a water cooler, I imagine what it'd be like to shove it over and storm out of the room.
But that's precisely why Mock Trial is so much fun - we're not dealing with a real case here. Our witnesses are almost completely scripted. Even attorneys can gain a fairly accurate idea of what to expect in court. Moreover, I don't actually care about Jackie Owens or Casey Maxwell or any of the other characters we pretend to defend so passionately. My job is just to make opposing counsel look stupid and not fall over in my heels. At the end of the day, we Mockers pretty much get in and get out. We prepare for weeks, show up at tournament, run our cases in chief, take our trophies and awards, and eat a lot of custard. After we're finished, we drive away from tournament, leaving behind all thoughts about the fate of our infamous defendant.
But in real life, there are Jackie Owenses who take the stand everyday. Jackie Owenses who are being accused of murder, who are facing life in prison, and who are paying and depending on real life defense attorneys to do everything in their power to convince the jury to acquit them. The thought of ever taking the stand and defending these real people seriously terrifies me. I know there are plenty of people in this world who are regularly involved with situations that affect life-and-death, like doctors and policemen, but they actually do things that physically matter. Trial law is all about preparation and rhetoric. To think that a more effective, more persuasive speech on the part of an attorney can sometimes be all that separates conviction and acquittal seems absurd. But until we invent something like Minority Report's Precrime system, there simply isn't a better solution.
I guess the point of this entry is that as much as I enjoy and become engrossed with playing the role of an attorney in Mock Trial, I don't know if I could bring that confidence to a real courtroom where the stakes are much higher. I don't even know if I'd be okay morally with defending someone like Jackie Owens - who let's be honest, probably did kill Jacob Bennett. And I don't know if I'm going to law school so this is all very silly.
But that's precisely why Mock Trial is so much fun - we're not dealing with a real case here. Our witnesses are almost completely scripted. Even attorneys can gain a fairly accurate idea of what to expect in court. Moreover, I don't actually care about Jackie Owens or Casey Maxwell or any of the other characters we pretend to defend so passionately. My job is just to make opposing counsel look stupid and not fall over in my heels. At the end of the day, we Mockers pretty much get in and get out. We prepare for weeks, show up at tournament, run our cases in chief, take our trophies and awards, and eat a lot of custard. After we're finished, we drive away from tournament, leaving behind all thoughts about the fate of our infamous defendant.
But in real life, there are Jackie Owenses who take the stand everyday. Jackie Owenses who are being accused of murder, who are facing life in prison, and who are paying and depending on real life defense attorneys to do everything in their power to convince the jury to acquit them. The thought of ever taking the stand and defending these real people seriously terrifies me. I know there are plenty of people in this world who are regularly involved with situations that affect life-and-death, like doctors and policemen, but they actually do things that physically matter. Trial law is all about preparation and rhetoric. To think that a more effective, more persuasive speech on the part of an attorney can sometimes be all that separates conviction and acquittal seems absurd. But until we invent something like Minority Report's Precrime system, there simply isn't a better solution.
I guess the point of this entry is that as much as I enjoy and become engrossed with playing the role of an attorney in Mock Trial, I don't know if I could bring that confidence to a real courtroom where the stakes are much higher. I don't even know if I'd be okay morally with defending someone like Jackie Owens - who let's be honest, probably did kill Jacob Bennett. And I don't know if I'm going to law school so this is all very silly.
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