Romance is Boring

I'm pretty sure every girl fantasizes about living in Pride and Prejudice (or in my case, Lord of the Rings) times when men would gallivant about on noble steeds and woo their ladies with sweet poems and proclamations of undying devotion. And while Elizabethan tongues and corseted dresses are fun, I think the real romance lies within the mysterious and complex nature of 17th century courting.

Take, for example, a statement like "In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." This is a quote from the epitome of Elizabethan gentleman himself, Mr. Darcy. In today's world, it would roughly translate into something along the lines of "But man I ain't ever seen an ass like hers/that in my mouth had me at a loss for words/I told her to back it up like burp, burn/And make that ass jump like szherp, szherp."

 

 Pictured above: Aragorn secretly wondering if he can make Eowyn's ass jump like szherp, szherp.

Oh, the mystery! It's lost! In olden times your man would blaze off into the sunset and you'd have nothing left of him except perhaps a lingering whiff of unwashed hair. You'd wonder where he was until he showed up maybe three weeks later with another poem and even greasier hair. 

Today, you just type his name into Facebook and his life unfolds before your eyes. You see pictures from prom, childhoods, drunken nights in college, etc. You see what he did last weekend. You see ex-girlfriends to whom you inevitably compare yourself. You see scarring school pictures that make you X out of Facebook immediately and order a restraining order against that person.

 

No mysteries to be had here, folks. Just a sad, sad fourth-grader.

It's an unfortunate fact that men who act overtly romantic or who talk about their feelings are labeled as "sissies" or just plain old "gay" in our culture. Technology may be great at speeding things up and fulfilling our seemingly incessant craving for instant gratification, but I don't think dating or courtship necessarily needed that speed-boost. Sometimes, it's nicer to be left in the dark for just a bit longer. And to be hailed as something just a little more flattering than "a lady in the street but a freak in the bed."