Friday, April 22, 2011

EXtinguishing the Fire(fox) (lolwut at "Distinguishing...")

My dearest Firefox,

We both knew this day would come. I've played the scene countless times in my head, imagining how my words will come across: how you'll be surprised, then angry, and then fall silent, save for the occasional sniff. How your little beady black eyes will quiver and glisten with dew. How every fiber of my being will ache with reluctance to tell you this, every keystroke a dagger into my heart.

But I must remain strong, and to be frank, I've already done the deed. This morning I quietly scrolled over your familiar orange curled form, cupped you in my e-palms, and gently moved you from your comfortable nest in my dock to the trash can all the way on the right, where you landed with a thud that resonated in the depths of my soul. 

Believe me, Firefox, it killed me to do it. I was so upset I even ate an Oreo to make myself feel better. Then I ate three more because they tasted really good. Then I felt a little sick and went for a walk. 

But I digress! Why did I do do it? Why, after so many years of mutual love and respect, did I cast you aside?

I found someone else, Firefox. I found someone else.

It happened at work, about three months ago. You couldn't support an application I wanted to run, and well, I had to find somebody that would help me. So while you were busy updating, I went to Google - yes, that Google, a longtime friend of ours - and he suggested Chrome. I gave it a shot. Thirty seconds later, Chrome had downloaded and was already up and running. I was impressed by Chrome's simplicity and speed - and I loved that I could Google in the address bar itself - but I got in, ran the application, got out, and returned to your familiar embrace.

But that night, Firefox, I couldn't sleep. I laid awake with my eyes open, fingers clutching the sheets, heart heavy with the realization that everything in Chrome had been harder, better, faster, and stronger. The small things, really - how downloads fall nicely to the bottom of my page instead of disappearing into a separate window. How my top eight appear every time I open the browser. Even how the bookmarks are compressed and can fit so much better! For the first time in my life, I'd stumbled across a browser that gets me for who I really am and for what I need in my online experience. And even you have to admit it, Firefox. You're cute as a button, but Chrome is clean and sexy - I can't even begin to describe how good it is or what it can do for me.

I'm sorry, Firefox. I'm really going to miss you. I'll always support your open-source distribution. I'll still cheer for your new releases and updates. I'll even stay in touch with your parents, Mr. and Ms. Mozilla. But I'm afraid this is the end of us. I regret it had to be this way. Please don't pull out tufts of your fur like you did that time I accidentally opened up Internet Explorer. It's not worth the drama and it grows back funny.